tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC October 24, 2009 12:05am-1:05am EDT
the job of attorney general is keeping families safe. but ken cuccinelli doesn't see it that way. he has a personal political agenda. ken cuccinelli says he won't enforce laws he disagrees with. he supports the loophole that allows felons to buy guns. ken cuccinelli even voted against requiring clergy to report child molestation. i'm steve shannon, candidate for attorney general, and i sponsored this ad because i'll focus on keeping our families safe.
time now for tonight's closing argument. over two days, we've examined allegations against the leader of the scitology church. the relationship between the church and its celebrity members. and the belief system many critics consider bizarre. the church veemently denies any wrong doing and defends itself as a religion. so tonight we ask you, should scientology continue to enjoy tax exempt status as an organized religion or should the u.s. follow those nations which do not recognize scientology? tell us what you think by clicking on the "nightline" page at abc news or on the "nightline" twitter page. that's our report for tonight. for all of us at abc news, good
night, america. and have a great weekend. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, and this is the new 2010 terrain, the smaller suv from gmc. uh-oh. i think it's going to rain, guillermo. >> don't worry, jimmy. i've got an umbrella in here somewhere. >> jimmy: all right, very good. i don't want to get my beautiful hair wet. put that here. get the umbrella. oh, the -- tell you what. the terrain sure has a lot of cool places to store your stuff. did you look in the oversized glove box, guillermo? >> yes. >> jimmy: what is this for?
all right. how about in those nifty two-ti door pockets? maybe it's in there. >> i looked. >> jimmy: what about in that armrest compartment? this is my laptop. this is mine. >> yes. >> jimmy: you know what? the terrain may look small on the outside, but it's big on the inside. you got anything to eat in there? oh, look at that. what a coincidence. >> a-ha! >> jimmy: all right, thank you guillermo. >> you can stand under my umbrella, ella ella. >> dicky: visit a gmc dealership today to test drive the new 2010 terrain. the gmc terrain. engineered with more ideas per square inch. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" back in two minutes with
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. hi, everyone. i'm jimmy kimmel, i'm the host of the show, it's friday. who else is ready to rip the roof off this place? [ cheers and applause ] you know, ripping the roof off a place sounds like fun, but when you have to do it for a job, it's hard, it's not -- it's a lot of work. let's leave the roof in place, if we could. big news at the white house today where annie le bow witness's portrait of the obamas was unveiled. the whole family looks great, especially oprah. annie le bow witness is problem the most famous portrait photographer in the world. she's taken great photographers. i'm not quite sure she nailed this one. you know -- they can fix that red eye thing. i don't know why they wouldn't. anyway, besides posing for the
family christmas card, president obama has been busy trying to craft a health care plan that will please both moderates and liberals. yesterday, senate majority leader harry reid sent up a trial balloon for a proposal that would allow the government to offer health care alongside provat insurers. there turned out to be a kid in that trial balloon. don't worry. he's okay. big news from the balloon family up in colorado. according to court records released today, the boy's mother has admitted that the whole thing was a hoax. she said they came one the plan about two weeks before the incident, and instructed their children to lie to the police and media, and then, of course, the kid blew it when they went on larry king. so, you know, in other words, they would have gotten ape way with this if it weren't for the kids. they did it to try to get a reality show. people are drawing comparisons between the heenes and other famous families, but there's a big difference, and it's
important to point out. unlike the kardashians and the pratts, the heenes actually did something to become famous. so, they sent an imagine boy up in a balloon. all sorts of people are coming out of the woodwork to say they knew richard heene, one of them is a guy i know. for a brief time, perry used to chase storms with richard heene even though he has no background whatsoever in weather or anything, really, and he's been all over the news talking about him. >> with my via satellite is an actor who has worked with richard. perry, hi. >> hi. >> the on knock shounoknock shu you seed on "wife skwap" every day. he would come up with ridiculous inventions. any stardom to him is good stardom. whether it's good or bad. it's still good. when you saw the interviews with
richard and the children, what did you think? >> scum bag. >> jimmy: all right, well, joining us from abc studios here in los angeles, new media sensation perry, everydy, who, by the way, he once stood me for $10.5 million. thank you for being here. >> thank you. >> jimmy: what was your relationship to richard heene? >> well, if you can remember back in the mid-'90s when we first started doing the storm chasing stuff, when i came here to the -- well, here in hollywood, to the theater to, you know, get -- >> jimmy: it was not a sexual relationship as has been -- >> no, no. >> jimmy: you did interviews with the associated press, with e news, radio shows. what do you think of people like richard heene who obviously crave attention from the media? >> two words.
media whore. >> jimmy: him, right? >> that's right. >> jimmy: okay. because we're actually having trouble hearing you. can the audience hear him? perry, can you speak -- >> media whore! >> jimmy: you and richard chased orms together, true? >> do you remember when i came to you looking for a loan with richard? >> i do remember when you asked me for $25,000 to shoot a rocket with my name on it into space. >> correct. >> jimmy: yeah. i remember that, yes. >> okay. >> jimmy: i can't hear you very well, perry. can you speak louder? >> all right, i'm speak a little louder. >> jimmy: we could have the sound guys. you keep talking, all right? >> i'll keep talking. >> jimmy: how did you meet? >> we met with his girlfriend. >> jimmy: can you speak up? >> hold on. >> jimmy: perry? >> he's reaching up my shirt.
he's not hearing a thing. >> jimmy: tell us more about the sexual aspect of the relationship. >> there was no sex going on here. you know, we can't hear perry at all, but i think he said there was sex going on there, but we're going to -- we'll check back in when weapon get you straightened out. i don't know if he can hear me. i don't know. all right. it has been a hell of a week for the dodgers. first, they got eliminated from the playoffs. now the owner of the team is getting divorced, and it's going to be ugly. yesterday, frank fired his wife from her job as team ceo, and the way he announced the divoe, i don't know if you saw this. he was at the game, and -- and good news. you know what? she said yes. all right, we have the audio problem fixed. let's go to perry. former partner to richard heene, the man who claimed his son was carried off by a helium balloon. perry, did you personally
witness richard heene launching one of his children in a balloon? >> no, i never did. remember this, 2006, when we had our dispute in diamondville, wyoming. >> jimmy: is he mentally dist b disturbed? >> by doing something like this to try to become -- >> is he talking? i think we -- i don't think we can hear him again. >> oh, my god. >> just keep talking. >> jimmy: he said something about, i don't know, something in wyoming. perry, if you can hear me, give me two thumbs up and shake your head no. >> jimmy: i don't understand. perry, if you can understand me, shake your head yes and give me two thumbs down. let's get that microphone fixed. he said something about sleeping with heene. i'm not sure. very good. okay. let's just get that, if we could. thank you. okay. all right.
you know on -- [ laughter ] on wednesday -- [ laughter ] a group of activists had a protest -- stick with me on this -- against unsafe sex in pornographic films. apparently they want adult film actors to wear condoms, to set a good example for kids, i don't know why. but they were fired up enough to picket a hotel in l.a. that shows movies that depict unsafe sex. >> activists are protestingere for offering pay per view porn apparently done without condoms. these health care foundation went sot far to send an advocate to research the films offered in hotels. >> i never saw a condom on any of the films i watched. they had gay porn, bi-porn, tri-porn. >> jimmy: wait a minute. is she in disguise or are those
her real clothes and hair? i don't know. by the way what the hell is tri-porn. sex with a unicorn or something. the knew microsoft operating system windows seven came out yesterday. it follows the not so successful windows vista. it's a good thing there's a new thing. and great news for anybody that likes spending that awkward desk time with the i.t. guy at the office. and steve balmer was on "the today show" to promote windows seven. and matt threw him a curve ball when he asked about the rivalry with apple. >> it's got the wow factor. it's got the technology. the fact of the matter is, though, when people talk about the company apple, they say it's cool. it's cutting edge. you've got to compete with that as the ceo. are you envious about the image they've created? >> i think apple is a fine company, but i'm real happy that in the united states --
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: repoot. control, alt, delete, it's fine. halloween is a week from saturday. if you have not come up with a costume yet, hurry there are only two left. i go, i have the same outfit every year. slutty nurse. and it isn't easy to find the right halloween costume, even for the professionals. we thought it would be fun to ask an expert, our friendly neighborhood chewbacca, we asked him about his worst halloween costume experience ever. >> the worst halloween cot chum i ever had was the time when i dressed up as a pigeon. i got this kid to build me a pigeon suit and it didn't turn out good. i just had feathers on me, and i h had, like, the worst cot chum in my group and my frienddidn't
like me after that, they thought it was like, they thought i was weird, and embarrassed them and said that i was cheesing to be a pige for halloween that was the stupidest costume idea already. the pictures i saw later, i didn't look good in them. >> jimmy: but now look at you. now who is on top? let's try one more time to see if we can talk with former friend of the balloon boy family, perry, who is standing life. now, we have a boom mike this time so we should be able to hear him. now, try saying something, perry. >> testing, two, three, four. my head, there's.boom mike over >> jimmy: all right. perry, now, there seems to be some confusion about your relationship to the balloon boy's father. go ahead and clear that up, if you would. perry? >> jimmy: all right. you can lift the boom over my head, please. >> i think you need to speak into it.
my relationship -- >> you're on tv, buddy. are you talking about your boyfriend richard? >> jimmy: perry, what? >> get off him! get off him. >> jimmy: well, that's -- i don't know what's going on there. looks like perry is at a reunion with some of his friends. perry, is everything all right? >> no. >> jimmy: what happened? >> you can see what happened. >> jimmy: why did you bring them here? >> sorry. sorry. >> jimmy: perry? can you hear me? >> get over here. >> don't you -- >> just sit down. you're on tv! >> jimmy: okay. >> perry, just sit down. >> jimmy: all right. it appears that we've lost -- i think we've lost contact with -- you know, we'll check back in with them. all right, i'm sorry.
you know what perry? we're out of time. thank you again for giving us that fascinating look inside the mind of richard heene. [ applause ] it's friday night, it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc. this is "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> well, [ bleep ] has been found, [ bleep ] is alive. >> yeah. >> absent some come peopling evidence of child abuse, they just need to [ bleep ] off and leave this family alone. >> being called the most infamous [ bleep ] in sports. wait until you hear what they're saying about manny. >> go to cnn.com/robin. upload a video i-worth, share your [ bleep ], and you might be featured here. >> how many times i accidentally
[ bleep ] you. >> joy, my dear, i have known these guys, i [ bleep ] richard before he married mayumi. >> in spite of the profits, wall street is still a [ bleep ] place to be. >> what happened? >> i came in to dress and a big hairy animal [ bleep ] me and threw me in the trunk. >> i would like to solve. things are really [ bleep ] up. >> all right they, though? congratulations. >> jimmy: we have a good show tonight. we have music from echo & the bunnymen and we'll be right back with terry bradshaw, so stick around. okay, who had the "opposite sex repellent" meal? me. "more of me to love" combo? here.
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catherine keener is here. also tonight, from liverpool, this is their new album, "the fountain" -- it's in stores november 10th. music from echo & the bunnymen from the bud light golden wheat stage. and if you are in l.a., you can see them tomorrow night at the nokia theater. a few tickets left for that. next week, our guests include dr. oz, jason schwartzman, paris hilton and music from slipknot, morningwood d rod stewart. so, please join us then. as quarterback of the pittsburgh steelers, our first guest won super bowls ix, x, xiii and xiv, despite the fact that he cannot read roman numerals. now he pontificates and prognosticates before and during the games on "fox nfl sunday." please welcome the bald and beautiful terry bradshaw. [ cheers and applause ]
>> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: good to see you. >> the beautiful part i like. >> jimmy: you are bald, i mean. >> i don't mind being bald. you know, i work out to -- we have not done any -- you and i have not talked about anything to talk about tonight, right? >> jimmy: no. >> i work out to the bill gaither gospel tapes. >> jimmy: you do? that's got to be some sight. >> it's a sight. well, i'm a man -- actually, i'm a man of god, and i want to give these -- i started a foundation, jimmy, it's call ed pigs for jesus. >> jimmy: pigs for jesus? >> right, right, i know. and what i do, i thought that was a drop down. i raise hogs and then i process the pigs. there you are. and i have my favorite orange. >> jimmy: how many bands do we have? >> irought four.
here is what i found out. it's a foundation. and what i do is -- >> jimmy: you know we're on tv, right? >> i raise pigs and i process the pigs after 90 days and i feed the poor. >> jimmy: you do? you feed the pigs to the poor? [ applause ] >> yeah. and we have in the last five months fed over 9,000 families. >> jimmy: and this is not a joke. >> this is not a joke. >> jimmy: you named it pigs for jesus? >> i call it pigs for jesus, and i shouldn't have called it that, but -- >> jimmy: no, you shouldn't have. >> it bugs a lot of people. like you. >> jimmy: most everyone that can read, to be honest with you. >> anyway, yeah. >> jimmy: well, congratulations. what a wonderful thing you and the pigs are doing. >> i'm not through. when you open up my website, i'll be on there with my -- go ahead, pigs for jesus.org. >> jimmy: i don't believe this exists. >> her name is sue-e.
go ahead. pull it up. there it is. >> jimmy: pigs for jesus. >> keep going. there's my pig. come on. i'm trying to get down there. >> you thought i was lying. there she is. >> jimmy: wow. and that -- >> we won all over the state of texas with her. >> jimmy: won what? >> all the prizes. you take them and you show them. >> jimmy: to who? >> you show them to judges. >> jimmy: and they give you prizes? you're stuck out here in l.a., you have no clue what's going on in the real world. >> jimmy: i'm learning. >> look at that. you see that? >> jimmy: i do see it. >> in the real world, outside of los angeles -- >> jimmy: you don't live in the real world. you live in a crazy -- you live on the set of "hee haw." >> so what's wrong with that? >> jimmy: nothing. i'm just saying. >> who dressed you where did you get that, at
sears? >> jimmy: who came up with the idea for pigs for jesus? >> i did. >> jimmy: you alone? you came up with it and somebody said, i'm going to set up a website. >> i did. >> jimmy: you did not do. you set up the website? >> i did. all of that. >> jimmy: you did? i did all of it. >> jimmy: you used the letters and stuff? >> listen, you moron. some of us have a college education. and we know how -- i know i'm not supposed -- but yes. i did all of that. >> jimmy: what is -- >> just a second, kimmel. >> jimmy: what does www stand for? >> www. >> jimmy: it's what you call the president three times in the middle of the night? >> that's funny. that's good. i like that. >> jimmy: thank you. >> anyway. you know, i've always wanted to do that. >> jimmy: you should start
playing the jug. >> jugs -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. wouldn't that be something? >> where do you get that tie and shirt? that's a sears thing, right? you buy the package and it's all lined up for you? >> no, it's all -- >> you're not a good looking man. you ought to dress sharper than that. you don't look good at all. you look terrible. >> jimmy: i do? >> you lost weight? >> no. >> jimmy: i didn't think so. >> got you again. go ahead. you got 20 comedy writers back there. fire it off. how you doing, folks? i'm doing all right. [ applause ] yeah, go ahead. lookt your notes. here, let me -- let me line your notes up for you. tear those up. i love it. you know what, folks, i just -- >> no! not the book! >> jimmy: i was tearing these up. i got excited. let me ask you something -- >> anyway, i'll be in detroit next week. >> jimmy: in your book, you
claim to have been paid $15 million in 1978 to endorse toupees. >> let me tell you the story about that now. i was offered more money to wear that toupee than i was making -- >> jimmy: not $50 million in 1978. >> jimmy, i was making than less than $100,000 a year -- >> jimmy: that i believe. d at is this? now, this is a real item that we -- >> yeah that's scary. >> jimmy: this is your head. >> that's right. >> jimmy: and these are what, sales devices? >> they put them in the stores, the toupee people. >> jimmy: and they would put the toupee on this -- >> that is scary stuff. >> jimmy: i would love to own one of these, by the way. i would do all sorts of horrible things to this. >> you know where there's a lot of these? >> jimmy: where? >> europe? >> jimmy: why? >> because we had them kicked out of the united states. >> jimmy: you had your own head kicked out? >> my dad -- my dad.
folks, first of all, i'm not an attractive man. i'm fine with it. jimmy and i both are fine with it. i got -- i got no hair, he got a lot of hair. you are still butt ass ugly. but my -- this was sent to my house in shreveport, louisiana. and my dad got it and my mother set it on the mantle. look, it's just like having him right here with us. and my dad kept looking at it. finally, one night, jimmy, he just -- it freaked him out. he got up, threw it in the fireplace. >> jimmy: what? >> he thought it was dead. >> jimmy: wow. that's weird. well, the whole thing is weird. >> look at that. butt ugly. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. make a nice sex doll, though, i tell you that. >> how you doing, man? >> jimmy: doing well. >> i love this show. >> jimmy: you okay? can i mop you off? >> i get in front of people i love i sweat. >> jimmy: you do? okay. you are really sweating, aren't you?
that's something. how do you keep -- >> how do you keep this show? your monologue sucked. that was a bad monologue. serious. you're okay with it, right? you ought to be you do it every night. that's bad. i'm serious. i could do better. i don't have -- i just walk out here and sing a song, place goes crazy. serious. >> jimmy: this is your way of tricking me into letting you sing? >> i don't want to sing. go ahead, leme sing. >> jimmy: no, no, no. no singing. >> who did your teeth? what do -- do you know what this is? that is an insecure gesture. >> i've been to a psychiatrist. >> jimmy: you have? don't you have to have, like, something in there to go to a shrink? >> who are you dating now? >> jimmy: don't worry about it. >> i am. could be -- >> who are you dating? it's been ten years since your last divorce. >> 12. >> jimmy: aren't you due? >> as soon as she gets out of prison, i think we got a chance. >> jimmy: pigs for jesus.
i can't believe there's a pigs for jesus. i cannot believe it. >> i'm feeding about 100 -- feed about 120 hogs. >> jimmy: i feel like i'm bowling. >> come he. i feed about 120 hogs every 09 days. >> jimmy: you are a saint. saint terry bradshaw, everybody. watch him on fox nfl sunday, sunday at noon eastern time. we'll be right back with catherine keener. announcer: what are you waiting for? all around the world, men with erectile dysfunction have asked their doctors about cialis. ask your doctor if a cialis option is right for you because in addition to 36-hour cialis, there's another dosing option: cialis for daily use, a low-dose tablet you take every day so you can be ready anytime the moment is right. man: tell your doctor about your medical condition and all medications and ask if you're healthy enough for sexual activity.
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>> jimmy: back with terry bradshaw and echo & the bunnymen still to come. a legal note. please note, we are unable to accept a donation of pigs due to health requirements and space eliminations at pigs for jesus. don't send the people your pigs. >> god is watching. >> jimmy: he's watching something else. >> he's watching. you need so send some money. starving kids that can't even eat, kimmel. look at me, tell me, you cannot give me some money --
>> jimmy: i'll give you some money. just please relax for five seconds. >> i'm good. i just know how tight you are. >> jimmy: i know. our next guest is a terrific actor who you know from movies named "being john malkovich," "the 40-year-old virgin," "capote" and many more. you can see her now rumpussing wildly in spike jonze's great new movie "where the wild things are." >> so what we're going to do is, we're going to try to kill the bad guys. by beaning them in the head with these dirt clumps. we are going to try to find the biggest pieces -- >> you didn't see that coming. >> hey, wait! >> come on! look out below! >> jimmy: "where the wild things are" is in theaters now. please say hello to
catherine keener. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello, catherine. how are you? by the way, this is -- this is a recipe for disaster right here. >> oh, no. it's all good. >> jimmy: you're not going to get one word into this. wow. well, quentin, how come you are here? >> i -- she's a bully, all right? that's why i was here. >> jimmy: is that right? >> the beautiful lady needed an escort out onto stage and i was available. >> jimmy: that is very nice. so i should ask you if you -- did you see the movie? >> you know, i was -- this is -- i was going to see the 3:40 show at the vista today and i missed
it so i'm going to see it next week. i was going to see the 3:40 show at the vista today. it's such an awesome theater. >> jimmy: this is some backup. you didn't even see the movie. >> you saw it? >> jimmy: i saw it. i thought it was really great. you meet a wild thing, terry bradshaw. >> totally. >> my hocks ain't going to be able to eat. >> i was acting out your scene in "hooper." >> you liked that? >> jimmy: he didn't say he liked it. he acted it out. >> i implied i liked it. >> jimmy: it was a near implication. catherine, well, thank you for being here. great to have you here. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: you acted in the film, but you were a producer in the film and helped out all around, includincoaching the young boy who is -- is his name really max records? >> yes. >> jimmy: it is? wow.
when you are named max records, you have to be a celebrity. he did a great job. >> he was awesome. i'm not used to not reaching the floor. >> oh, yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: i don't know why that is. maybe you you slid up a little bit. watch out. terry probably let some manure down there. >> that's good. i will just sit like this. >> jimmy: from his boots. how did you help coach little max? because we have a photograph that i won't show you yet, but i do want to show, and tell us why you did this? >> well, because spike asked me to just be on for the duration. who do you like b. >> jimmy: who do you like better, spike or quentin? >> she's word with spike. >> jimmy: so, spike -- >> spike is an old friend of
mine and quentin and i met a long time ago. >> it was actually interesting. she assumed that we had this conversation. we waved across the room at each other. >> jimmy: oh, yereally? >> it was magic, though. >> i can sense the magic right now. i'm serious. i -- i'm a football player. but i sense magic. >> you're an actor. >> i'm a singer. [ applause ] >> jimmy: he's definitely a singer. terry, did you do steroids? be honest. >> i still do them. >> jimmy: got to be some explanation for this. >> you should do them. your head is so big, i thought maybe you -- >> jimmy: no, no, it's naturally this size. >> i'm so happy someone made a big head joke and it wasn't about me. >> jimmy: well, you can -- >> i'm good. i'm glad i got skipped over. >> jimmy: when i heard that the movie was going to be made, this -- it's like nine sentences, the whole book,
right? the original book is -- >> it's more, but i'm not sure by how much. >> jimmy: to make a whole movie out of such a, you know, it's really -- i mean, like a short book. it's -- you really had to, like, put a lot into it. it wasn't your typical book where you cut everything down and -- you okay? >> i'm very -- dry mouth. noll i -- well, spike did that and david eggers, they co-wrote it, so i didn't -- i didn't have anything -- >> jimmy: you didn't fill in the gaps there? you are an associate producer on the film. what does that mean? >> i got that title about a month ago. >> jimmy: oh, really? after the movie was do? you got the title? >> yeah, like a month ago. >> jimmy: that's kind of impressive, really. >> you got to love this woman. she is honest. that is good stuff. >> jimmy: you know what, quentin, you better escort her out of the theater. terry, have you ever read a book?
>> no. no. >> jimmy: this would be a good one to start with. it's pretty short. >> quentin and i were just talking. neither one of us have read a book. >> jimmy: right. well, i don't think we've accomplished anything here, but i will -- >> i'm so happy to meet you. i really am. >> jimmy: very happy to meet you, too. and the movie is fantastic. quentin, you should go see it. it's great. catherine keener. "where the wild things are" in theaters now. quentin tarantino, terry bradshaw and catherine keener. we'll be right back with echo & the bunnymen. ( upbeat music playing ) ( panting ) ( cat meows ) cats everywhere are using fresh step because it doesn't just mask odors, it eliminates them. so don't be surprised if your cat needs help finding her litter box.
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this this is their new cd, "the fountain." it comes out november 10th. with the song "i think i need it to," from the bud light golden wheat stage, echo & the bunnymen. ♪ ♪ must've forgotten something how to forget how to be true covered myself in nothing don't touch me and i won't ♪ ♪ touch you trying to remember something
why am i here and who are you you must admit something ♪ ♪ animals came in two by two whatever you want whatever you need whatever you want ♪ ♪ whatever you need i think i need it too i think i need it too i think i need it too ♪ ♪ just as i thought i'm thinking how can i change when i don't want to kept getting caught ♪ ♪ kept drinking how can i blame what i got to putting the wheels ♪ ♪ in motion auto-pilot i can't drive covered in calamine lotion
scratching in my heap ♪ ♪ my love's bee stung whatever you need whatever you want ♪ ♪ whatever you need i think i need it too i think i need it too i think i need it too ♪ ♪ ♪ whatever you want whatever you need whatever you want whatever you need ♪ ♪ whatever you want whatever you need whatever you want